Christmas Klobber Special: Buy Cool Shit
Oh crap, it’s almost Christmas! And you still haven’t finished all your present shopping?! Tut tut. Well, actually, us either. So we feel your pain. There’s still some time though. Thanks to the wonders of online shopping (up yours The High Street!) you won’t have to brave the hordes of slow-walkers, phone-fixated zombies and well, the general public to get what you need in time. Depending on where you live and shipping and all that. Soz, we don’t make up the rules.
Still, we’ve put together a last minute gift guide to help spark some ideas and maybe even help you out of a bind. And if it’s too late to get some of this stuff delivered where you live, well… think of it as a late gift to yourself! That way when they arrive after the hullabaloo has died down, you can cheer yourself up with that sweet, sweet retail therapy kickback.
(p.s. all prices shown are pre-postage and packaging, and are accurate as of publishing according to the good folks over at currency conversion site xe.com… so yeah, don’t @ us if you’ve not factored that in)
Far be it for us to suggest that the people charged with leading us through these grim and unsettling times don’t have the first damn clue what they’re doing. But we do know that Deathwish Inc. have never let us down, so maybe this is one flag worth flying.
$20.00 / £14.97
HENRY ROLLINS, GET IN THE VAN
Want to know what it’s really like on the road in a punk band? This is essential reading. Whether you’re a Black Flag and Henry Rollins n00b or a self-professed aficionado, this is almost as important as listening to Damaged or My War.
$25.00 / £18.71
MUSIC BAND TEE
You know the 30 Rock episode. You know the meme. You might not know all the hip, cool, ace, rad new bands you’re supposed to be into these days. And hey, that’s alright. We all lose touch from time to time. Stay right on top of whatever is going on with this sweet tee, guaranteed to kid anyone who spies you sporting it that you are a person who definitely knows what is up.
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE DOORMAT
The perfect welcome mat for any discerning rock-dwellers’ homestead. Or perhaps your house actually resembles a jungle, in which case, sort that out before the council comes calling.
N.B. Fun and games sold separately.
THREE CHEERS AIR FRESHENER
Ever wondered what an album smells like? Us neither until we happened upon this musical merch oddity. Bet this one smells of sweet revenge. Better than yet another Magic Tree, anyway.
UNITED BY FEELS LONGSLEEVE
Let’s all share in the universal emotion of feeling sad af by adorning ourselves in this rad unisex longsleeve, courtesy of the gang over at Sad Boy Crew. We feel cheerier just looking at it, never mind what it must be like to wear.
$32.00 / £24.00
‘I’m definitely going to cook more in the New Year. No more takeaways for me, no way…’ We’ve all been there. We’ve all made the promise. Time to give yourself extra incentive next year, with this fetching cooking garm that lets houseguests know your musical allegiances and how overdone their steaks are going to be.
HOT TAKE TEE
2017 has been filled with takes of varying temperatures all over social media. You’ve probably offered a scorching status or two yourself. It’s fine. Sometimes it’s good to blow off some steam. Chill out in this super zeitgeisty tee.
$25.00 / £18.75
THE BOUNCING SOULS GLASS SET
We’re all getting on a bit. We like to think we’re getting a touch classier as we advance in years, but we still let our hair down from time to time. And it’s important to let the world know we’re still punk deep down. This Bouncing Souls branded pint and shot glass combo should tick every one of those boxes. But please drink responsibly.
$19.99 / £16.84
SEGA MESSENGER BAG
And yeah, sometimes we like to regress a bit too. Get in touch with your younger self and roll back the years to the simpler times of: Nintendo vs Sega. Or just carry around your grown up things in a not-so-grown up bag.
‘FUCK POLITENESS’ PIN
Just in case your jacket is looking a little bare or maybe it’s simply lacking the finishing touch, this Fuck Politeness pin should do the trick.
$10.00 / £8.42
Because by now, the cat has probably pulled all your decorations off the tree or it’s simply looking a little dull and boring. These rad Architects baubles will brighten up your tree and then some.
Right, you’ve been meaning to get this sorted for a while. You know you can’t keep going to gigs and subjecting your ears to the damage you do on a regular basis and expect to get away with it. Invest in some proper protection and thank us later.
$23.99 / £17.94
For super fans, sure. But isn’t that pretty much every single Parx devotee, anyway? Go on, try to explain why you wouldn’t want: Entertainment on vinyl, digital and CD, a signed poster, a dad hat, and a bunch of threads? Thought so. Sorry about spending all your monies.
$199 / £148.82
Don’t be the kind of bozo who forks out big money on the latest sneaks only to neglect them. You need the proper kit to keep your prized footwear in good nick. This all-in-one kit will be a lifesaver and a money-saver long term.
At this stage, it’s not just a novelty touch of nostalgia. The amount of bands now actually releasing their material on cassette again means it’s probably high time you invested in something to play it all on. This is a great entry level player.