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11 Of The Best (Or Worst) TMI Moments In Rock

Here are 11 rock songs that tell you more than you ever wanted to know about your favorite artists.

There’s nothing better than when an artist’s music allows you to peer into their lives…up to a point, anyway. Sure, it’s always great when musicians invite their listeners to see the world through their eyes. But musicians are also people, and humans beings are psychotic crotch-monsters who have trouble remembering that not everyone wants to hear about their invasive surgery. Because of this, there are plenty of songs where bands and performers tell their fans a little more about themselves than anyone ever wanted to know.

Here are 11 tracks that give the listener way too much information about their favorite artist…

Turbonegro – Wipe It ’Til It Bleeds (2003)

Honestly, they could’ve stopped with the title and it would’ve been TMI. But the first song from Turbonegro’s Scandinavian Leather doesn’t pull any punches — it goes into great detail about getting ‘your little meat machine’ ready for a night on the town. A few choice descriptions include how you should ‘never let it dry, or it will fucking die.’ Hint: he’s not talking about a houseplant.

Korn – A.D.I.D.A.S. (1996)

When Korn were offered a sponsorship by athletic brand Adidas, they did the most Korn thing imaginable: turned the company’s name into an acronym about fucking. The song’s title is short for All Day, I Dream About Sex, with Jonathan Davis waxing turgid about how he has to ‘dream and stroke it harder’ to escape his ‘fucked-up real life’. We definitely didn’t need to know this, but honestly, one look at ol’ JD and we might’ve assumed it.

Weezer – Across The Sea (1996)

Rivers Cuomo begins this Weezer ballad with the lyric, ‘You are 18-year-old girl’, so at least we know his Japanese love interest is of age. But it’s when he starts sniffing and licking the envelope of the letter she sends him that the listener begins to feel like they’re hiding in the closet watching something they shouldn’t. Then, when he begins to wonder how she touches herself, the sweetness of the track officially takes a hard turn into pervy territory.

READ THIS: Here are 12 songs you didn’t know were about BDSM

Samhain – Human Pony Girl (1986)

So, pony-play is when one member of a couple dresses up as a horse, and the other one rides them around, whips them, kicks them, all that jazz. Is that vivid enough for you? No? Well, thankfully, Danzig’s post-Misfits hardcore outfit Samhain is here to give you a full description. Among the lyrics are references to ‘stomach sweat in your spine’ and ‘spur sink[ing] into flank’. None of this is as precious and unsettling as when Glenn yells, ‘GIDDYAP!’

Tenacious D – 39 (2012)

There’s something kind of sweet about Tenacious D’s Jimmy Buffett-esque track about the laid-back love of an older woman… right until Jack Black fingers his ass. That’s right, later in the song the actor and comedian says, ‘When we text each other, I fiddle with my anus/Yeah, I stick a finger in it!/Then I fuckin’ diddle-riddle-dee-doo/Then I fuckin’ gots ta’ spew/Upon my belly, dripped upon my shoe/Gimme a tissue.’ We’ll just… leave you with that.

Green Day – Longview (1994)

Long before Miley Cyrus could make music videos of pretty much just her masturbating, Green Day were scandalizing the world with this tale of self-love. ‘Bite my lip and close my eyes’ begins the chorus of Longview, which is an anthem for sitting around and jerking off nonstop all day. Perhaps the most shudder-worthy lyric, though, is when Billie Joe asks the listener to ‘peel me off this Velcro seat’, which makes one imagine the noise his back would make when he finally stood up from the couch. Just lovely.

READ THIS: The 12 best songs about masturbation

Dead Kennedys – Too Drunk To Fuck (1981)

Man, which part of Jello Biafra’s night is the worst? Is it the part where his girlfriend bawls like the baby in Eraserhead? Is it when, before giving him oral sex, she takes out her retainer and puts it in her purse? Or is it at the end, when he yelps, ‘And now I got diarrhea!’ No matter which event makes you gag the hardest, it’s safe to say the Dead Kennedys have had a wretched evening, and we want no fucking part of it.

AC/DC – Big Balls (1976)

For the most part, Big Balls is a pretty hilarious track. Bon Scott’s accent has a solidly Arthur-ish tone, and his plays on the word ‘balls’ are actually pretty clever. It’s the crabs, though, mentioned at the very end, that makes you want to reel away from AC/DC while waving a hand in front of your place. You can almost smell ’em.

Mindless Self Indulgence – I’m Your Problem Now (2000)

There are barely any words to this MSI B-side off of 2000’s Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy. The only lyrics of note are simple: ‘I love my mommy ’cause she fucked my dad/I love my mommy ’cause she fucked the shit out of my dad.’ So actually, the person grossing you out with TMI in this song…is you. Because you have a mom, right? And a dad? Yeah. YEAH. Anyway, enjoy your dinner.

Dead Boys – Ain’t It Fun (1978)

During the bizarre strung-out merger of punk and classic rock that filled the late ’70s, the Dead Boys occupied a uniquely nihilistic place. Ain’t It Fun is a real heroin-steeped swayer, and sums up the band’s more weird, languid tendencies. And then, of course, there’s the line where singer Stiv Bators moans, ‘Ain’t it fun when you get so high that, well, you just can’t cum.’ Who would’ve thought a guy who used to hang himself onstage with his mic cord would say such a thing?

All – She Broke My Dick (2000)

What happens when All lead singer Chad Price tries to ‘pull his trick maneuver’ while making sensuous love to a woman? Apparently, his dick snaps. That’s right, the lyrics of this 44-second-long rager are about exactly what the title advertises, right down to the cortisone being injected into Chad’s injured member afterwards. What a time to be alive!

Posted on September 20th 2019, 6:30pm
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