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My Worst Habit? The Non-Stop Pounding Of My Genitalia”: 13 Questions With Zakk Wylde

Guitar legend Zakk Wylde faces Kerrang!’s 13 Questions, and ends up talking about his willy quite a lot

Before Black Label Society, there was Pride And Glory, Zakk Wylde’s first solo project after performing with Ozzy Osbourne. That was back in 1994, and now, 25 years later, it has been reissued with some added extras and surprises. To celebrate the quarter-century milestone, we caught up with Zakk himself and pitted him against our soon-to-be-infamous 13 Questions. Let’s get Wylde.

1. Why should people listen to the Black Label Society Pride And Glory reissue?
“It has, obviously, twice the amount of testosterone and erectile dysfunction power that the previous release didn’t have, so that’s the reason why we put them out. They’re bigger, they’re stronger, they’re faster, they’re better. These new releases will help people in the bedroom and therefore, makes for a better marriage!”

2. What is your biggest fear?
“Probably between soundcheck and the show, it would be making sure that I have enough time for my anal bleaching appointment and to shave my legs… and that my eyeshadow matches my lipgloss and my rouge before we go on stage. The struggle is real!”

3. How long have you worn the same underwear consecutively?
“One time, during the Animal House years, I had seven days without brushing my teeth or showering - just put deodorant on and you’re good to go. That would probably have to be the longest.”

4. What is the worst job you’ve ever had?
“There was one job I had cleaning houses. At this one job, this guy was trying to get these people to leave the house – he had turned the electricity off, turned the water off – but the people had actually shit in the toilets to the point where the shit was all the way up to the toilet bowl! That’s how long these people stayed in the house illegally, it was like a squatters’ drug den. I remember we had to go over there and clean the walls, smashed mirrors, take mattresses downstairs, basically destroy the house. But it was the shit in the toilets that made me go, ‘Nope. Not gonna do this job,’ and I just left!”

5. What is your worst habit?
“I don’t consider it a worst habit, I consider it very enjoyable, but it would have to be the non-stop pounding of my genitalia; that’s the reason why I have to have a guitar around, otherwise I don’t know what to do with my hands.”

6. What is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever eaten?
“Maybe licking my hands after pounding my genitalia.”

7. What happens when we die?
“You go up to God’s tavern, where the drinks are all free, no-one blows their liver or pancreas out, and everybody has a good time. I know that when someone asks me what I want played at my funeral, I simply answer with Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by Wham!. That’s the obvious answer. Or The End by The Doors.

8. If you were in Slipknot, what would your mask be?
“Just my face – that’s true comedy right there! Or just have it where it covers my face, then take the hair from my ass and use that to cover up my face - they can then call me Ass-Face!”

9. What is the last lie you told?
“That I play in a band with all of my buddies in Black Label. We’re not really friends, we’re just here for the free food.”

10. Have you ever stolen something?
“Yes, I remember that I stole a T-shirt when I was a kid. I was at the mall, with my mother, and I got caught. They took me up to the mall security, and my mom was like, ‘Why did you steal that? I could have just bought it for you.’”

11. If your house was on fire, what one thing would you save?
“I would think top on the priority list would be your family and the dogs; we can figure out anything else after that. If they don’t survive, you’ll never hear the end of it!”

12. What would you like it to say on your gravestone?
“’Here lies Zakk Wylde. He was a slow fella, he loved Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin and The Allman Brothers. Thank God.’ Or just put ‘Complaint Department Closed.’”

13. If you had the power to turn the Internet off, would you do it?
“No, because then you can’t watch porn! And you can’t listen to all your favourite records – no, that would be a terrible idea!”

Zakk Wylde’s remastered 25th anniversary reissue of Pride And Glory is out now.

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Posted on November 14th 2019, 12:00pm
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