Truck driving across the States without GPS sounds daunting, but at least Ian had all the tunes…
“My years of truck driving were the best thing that ever happened to me. I had a very cool co-worker who plays in a band called Sun Spots, used to be in a band called Criminal Code, and he showed me so much incredible music. He showed me things like J Church and at the same time he showed me PiL, Harry Pussy and The Jesus Lizard. My whole life was listening to music in work trucks.
“I drove 26,000lb trucks delivering ladders and fencing to home depots. I was 18 years old when I had this job, straight-up not a job for an 18-year-old. I didn’t know how to drive stick shift and was put into this truck and was taught stick for 30 minutes and told to go.
“My life for a couple of weeks was absolute and utter terror. It was me crying at intersections stalling the truck, just feeling so incompetent and so stupid. One day I had this delivery in north Seattle and I realised I’m going the wrong way, so this is pre-GPS. I used to text Google asking for directions to the location I had on my paperwork. So I would be looking at my old brick of a phone as I was driving this 26,000lb stick-shift through north Seattle – it was absolute hell I was terrified 24/7. I realised I was going the wrong way so I was like, 'Alright, I’ll turn around.'
“What I was not very aware of at the time was the concept of head clearance. I’m sure it was mentioned in the training but it’s the kind of thing that you’re not thinking about. The other thing is that I really needed to pee at the time, so I had my pants just fully undone. I go and I turn around and I pull into a gas station. And the truck slams to a halt because I hit the clearance – I wedged myself under the gas station awning. I didn’t damage the truck at all, but I definitely fucked up the awning.
“The gas station owner comes out and he is screaming at me. I get out of the truck [and] my pants are undone. At the edge of the parking lot there’s a barista stand and I see the cute barista girl filming me on her cellphone, and I’m doing up my pants as I’ve wedged myself under a goddamn gas station awning and this guy’s screaming at me.
“So I end up letting the air out of my tyres to let myself back up and luckily it worked. The scariest thing is if I'd have done it and brought the awning off, it would have killed someone in that moment.
“The gas station owner writes down on binding paper, ‘I ADMIT THIS WAS MY FAULT’ with a signature line. And I’m like, ‘I’m not signing that – I’m 18’. We waited for the cops to turn up and they’re like, ‘Yeah you’re good to go.’”