We’re all a little fucked up and just admitting that is the first step. Well, at least for me it was. You see, I had been around people with addiction issues and health issues, both physical and mental, and had seen the effects first-hand of how these things can take hold of you. I never thought at 26 years old, with our third album coming out imminently that I’d be sitting in a doctor’s office, explaining how I didn’t want to continue, to play music, to be a part of anything or simply even exist at times.
It’s so easy to brush off depression or anxiety. It’s also easy to say, 'It’ll all work out' or 'It'll all be fine', and it’s easy to point fingers at 'crazy' people who see professionals or take medications for mental health. Unfortunately, that’s where anything to do with mental health being easy stops. It’s not easy to admit you have a problem. It’s not easy to seek help from people, professionals or even family or friends. Not to mention the idea of telling your darkest thoughts and fears to a doctor you have never met. It was all a bit too much for me.
Here’s where all my misinterpretation of how seeing a mental health doctor went out the window. When I first walked in, I was terrified. People who know me know that my biggest fears are snakes and tornadoes. You can add May 31, 2011 to that list. I was completely terrified. See, not only was I going to see a doctor for the first time about my mental health, we were also scheduled to be at our local Walmart at noon that same day, to do a signing for the release of our second album, Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Sea.